Friday, December 24, 2010 Y 6:52 PM
guess i havent ended tat earlier story bout tat girl tat i used to know
well, few days ago, i decided to call it off..
cos i jus cant take it..
despite more matured n smart, she s jus too 'dependant' on me..
expects me to call her every nite n stuff, then keep sayin i dont care for her, n her level of jealousy is beyond madness..
n she doesnt like me to club... ok tats too much honey..
i jus know u like few wks, n u haf so many rules n regulations n restrictions..
i cant take it.. tats it.. no matter how hot u are, model n smart n rich.. but no way man.. i dont feel happy wit u baby..
thanks for the company so far..n sorry to hurt u..
despite u sayin "cant believe u can let me go tat easily"..
well, guess tats me, learnt frm the past, learnt to let go of things n move on i guess..
hahas but oni one true person i m still tryin to let go..
u know who u are..
oh wells, guess im fine w/t a girl for now.. dont c a need for it now..
guess im so focused in landing my first job now rather then gettin a girl..
wish me luck then!
-kw n ivan: thanks for being a loyal reader on tis sad sad pathetic place! ;)
Tuesday, December 21, 2010 Y 2:14 AM
sigh...
so the results of SPF SO application is out..
jus last wed i went for the interview.. n today i got the news... REJECTED!!!
SERIOUSLY WTF/!??!?
i relle think i did well for all the paper test...
round 2 is gonna b the interview, n im ALWAYS short of tat round! ive always wanted to speak to panel of interviewers to prove myself worthy..
i was twice denied tat same chance back when i was in the final 5 to b selected for the NS Police officer cadet course...
ALSO denied for an interview when i applied for NIE teaching position..
KNN CCB!!!
seriously, i teared as i read the email over n over again...
its like, its been my long life dream, childhood dreams of becoming a police officer!!!
knn ccb!!!
so many ple ard me put on high hopes on me, hoping ill get tat position..
sorry to dissapoint u guys..n dissapoint myself as well...
sigh.. it felt like my future jus became pitch black..
cos i relle do not know wat i want to do animore...
its like, if its not tis, aniting other then tis means i ve no passion in it AT ALL!!
sigh.. like they say, u cant relle choose a job tat u like, u jus hafta pick something tat might jus b enuff to feed u n ur family..
sigh.. knn ccb! im so sure i m more capable then some officers out there! ccb!
sigh... jus not my luck..
HOWEVER, i believe god has greater plans for me..
i am THIS close to migrating right now actually! -to australia-
sigh.. god, pls show me my next path of life... insyallah i will be ok! :)
Saturday, December 11, 2010 Y 1:24 AM
saturday, 11dec, 1.24am..
somehow it feels weird nt callin her tonite.. sigh..
i missed her voice...
hope ure doin fine..
Thursday, December 09, 2010 Y 1:26 AM
thurs 9 dec- 1.26am..
i ended the call wit her..
kinda 'patched' things up... (not tat we're together to begin with)
but yea.. peace talks..
she kinda open my eyes to my flaws.. which is something i relle admit..
im supa oblivious to these things..
it got me thinking.. hmm... of my actions..
so like i said, she s the one i guess to b there to allow me to c all these things tat ive been blind to.. on my flaws...
im working on it honey..
but im scared..
im scared ill fall for u deeper.. i dont want tat..
cos im scared.. scared of getting hurt like i did before..
ever since u, suffirah, ive neva eva allow myself to fall for a girl so deeply like i did towards u..
tat xplains why i still am not talkin to u.. cos the last session we had in march, u hurt me BIG time n i know u know tat..
i guess its betta tis way tat we're not talkin.. jus wait till i settle down wit a gf then i suppose ill start talkin to u..
cos i m jus afraid of fallin for u all over again..i wanna stop tat n move on..
a part of me says i dont wanna get a gf for the next 2 yrs..
a small part tho, feels lonely n longing for a girl to be there for me.. n for me to be there for the girl as well..
i believe god has greater plans for me when comes to is..
dear god, pls... pls show me the light.. insyallah~
amin!
Wednesday, December 08, 2010 Y 11:58 PM
DECEMBER 9, THURS 12.01am~!
dEAR YOU..
jus when i tot or it crossed my mind tat she could b the one tat i was waiting for..
cos seriously she fit the bill (except the ht)
she s older then me..
she s gawd damn smart..
well to do..
speaks english as first language
but too bad she has quite a few flaws..
she s kinda vulgar
she s short tempered
kinda immature
gets irritated over GAWD DAMN SMALL MATTERS..
as much as im supa pisssed wit her (which SERIOUSLY if it was my normal gal frens, i would give them 10 times good time scoldings)
but i was SUPA ANGELIC patient, cos i tot maybe tis one will help me become a better person, train me in my weaknesses..
but hell no.. she disssapoint me...
to her eyes n ears, it s all my fault..
ahh fine.. llike they always say "there r many fishes in the sea"
n apparently, YOU dont fit in the criteria as i tot..
for now..jus go wit the flow wit life..
nt gonna b desperate as usual.. jus chill n carry on hating girls as usual!
thanks..YOU jus got it worst frm wats damaged deep inside me..
:(
Monday, December 06, 2010 Y 1:26 AM
MONDAY 6 DEC
so exams r finally done..
ive finally graduated.. cant believe im writing this down..
listenin to corrine may now.. scars (stronger for life)
im definately breaking down rite now..
imagine u ve been bz for the past 1 yr, wit sch n work n sports n social life.. n now..
everything seemed to haf left me all alone..
im all empty now.. ntg to worry.. ntg on the mind.. ntg to do.. it is SERIOUSLY KILLING ME!!
im breaking down because of tis.. i cant lead a life like tis.. ill go crazy..
everyday i pray to god, insyallah god pls answer my prayers! i hope those employers tat i relle dreamt of working for, will call me back.. PLEASE...GIVE ME A CHANCE!
tat aside, im also for once, not financially stabled now..
cos in the past ive been working n now, ntg much left in the stash.. im relle uptight..
all thanks to poor savings scheme.. sigh.. didnt c tis coming..
definately a lesson learnt!
n bout love life.. i guess it has jus got empty once again..
was checking out someone but i think its impossible..
sick n tired of gettin rejected for tat SAME OLD REASON..
seriously.. im not hating myself, cos i shld love myself as i wasnt born perfect to say the least..
but still..
guess i still haf yet to cross my path with my future wife..
im still waiting to meet u whoever u are.. i believe god has made greater plans..
maybe we ll meet at a better place, better time? insyallah!
till then.. ill b waiting for our paths to cross n we'll meet each other. i can sense its real soon... i hope? hehe..
oh wells...
take care all!
*if oni i haf enuff cash, i would take the first flight to some unknown city like new york or some place in swiss or australia or new zealand.. sigh..
apparently things dont go normally the way u wanted.. so suck it up bitch!
:)
